When You Feel Like a Failure as a Parent
I finished reading Pastor John Piper’s most recent post on raising children, looked at my husband and cried out, “We are failing.” He looked at meand said, “We are learning.” Yes. That is right. We are learning.
Pastor John urges parents to require that their children obey. After my episode, I wondered if there were other parents who felt the same way as I did at that moment: deflated, incapable, and self-sufficient. There isn’t anything I’d like better than to know that I trained my children well. But I can’t do it on my own. I can’t muster up the energy. I can’t read enough books. Oh, I can try. I can try in my own strength. I can try in my own wisdom. I can read every parenting book on the market. I can do all of those things, but it is only God who will enable me to be faithful in my calling to train my children.
Pastor John has seen my babies in action. They were welcomed into his home and enjoyed some of the delicious meal that was served and then ran around and around and around his living room. He went outside with them and introduced them to his dog and chatted with them about things (knowing my son, it was probably angry birds). My kids are rambunctious, a pure joy, and not always obedient. I’m confident that they disobeyed while we were there—and I know without a doubt the Pipers were gracious to me and to my children.
Because I’ve seen Pastor John in action with small children, I’m more apt to heed his warnings and teachings in this area. He isn’t coming from a place of self-righteousness or as a man who simply dislikes young children and their misbehavior in public. He enjoys and delights in kids. It can be easy to read a post where there are specific challenges and calls to action and immediately put up a guard. We are in a time right now, it seems, that the pursuit of obedience can be viewed as legalism rather than wisdom. I don’t want to be like the man who looks in the mirror and forgets (James 1:24). My husband and I are praying about areas we could grow as parents and that’s a beautiful thing.
So parent who realizes that they have failed in an area of training children to obey, who feels like you have been lazy, or who is plum tired and at the end of your rope, God has so much grace for you. God doesn’t want you to despair but learn. God doesn’t want you to have self-pity but grow. If you felt rebuked, believe it is the kindness of God and not God’s punishment. If you sensed in your soul that Pastor John’s words were for you but you put up a guard, prayerfully consider how to apply without fear of falling into legalism. God ordained us to train our kids. He will give us the grace to do it.
[all photos taken by Noel Piper]
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