Book Study: Chapter 7, Fear of Sexual Intimacy

Read: Hebrews 4: 14-16

I can’t remember a day that has gone by over the past year or two when I’ve opened my email, jumped on social media, or turned on the television and not seen at least one reference to sexual sin, sexuality, sexual identity, the sexual revolution…you name it, I’ve seen it and I think your experience probably matches my own. It’s the topic of the day, the hour. And it’s an important topic that we must address because it is affecting all aspects of our lives, society and culture. It’s something that cannot be ignored. And thankfully it’s a topic that I am seeing more women tackle as well. (I recently had a chance to answer a question about women and sexual issues at The Gospel Coalition.) Yet, it’s also such a tender, sensitive topic. Sex is deeply personal and if you’ve struggled with fear in this area in any way, you know that fear can be powerful. Today, I’d like to draw our attention to the One who already knows our struggles, invites us to come, and has grace available to us.

There isn’t another religion that claims to have a god who is fully able to sympathize with our weaknesses. Jesus, the Son of God, was born, put on flesh and walked among people. He understands what it means to be alone, cast out and fearful. He knows right now about whatever fear you might be holding onto as you approach marriage and intimacy for the first time. He understands the fear you might have due to past sexual sin. He sympathizes with your confusion. He was tempted as we are, yet was without sin (15).

And he invites us to draw near to his throne of grace with confidence. What are we confident in? Do we draw near to his throne of grace because we are confident in ourselves? Do we draw near to his throne of grace because we’ve got it all together? Do we draw near to his throne of grace because we are free from temptation? No, we draw near to his throne of grace because of Jesus. Jesus is the one without sin—not us. He knows we are weak and he understands we can’t do anything apart from him. He calls us to cast all our burdens onto him (1 Peter 5:6-7). You who are burdened, trying to justify yourself and clean yourself up enough to come to God—he says to you, come and receive rest (Matt. 11:28).  What a wonderful invitation!  We are invited to cast all of our cares, burdens, worries, and fears onto Jesus. And what does he offer us? He offers mercy and grace in our time of need. Grace—free and undeserved.

He never asks us to come free of our burdens. Like the Psalmist we say, “When I am afraid, I will put my trust in You” (Psalm 56:3, emphasis mine). Do you believe this? Do you believe you can run to Jesus? If so, right now, pray and ask God to carry your burdens and fears. You can approach God with anything, even that struggle. He is not embarrassed. He sent His Son as a payment for all of your sin. Ask God to help you with your fears. And perhaps your struggle isn’t a matter of sexual sin and instead it’s a fear of not being enough in this area. He cares about that fear too. Whatever it is, today know that you can run to your Father and receive grace in your time of need. He cares for your every need—even this one. He loves his daughters and wants us to come to him. Jesus is not a historical figure alone—he is the alive, risen, and available for you and me right now.

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