Miscarriage from One Man’s Perspective: An Interview with Thern Newbell
Articles about miscarriage are often focused on the woman, how she dealt with it and how she pursued the Lord. It’s rare that we get to hear from a man on this important topic. In light of a recent article I wrote for Christianity Today, I wanted to take a moment to also share my husband’s thoughts and reflections on our experiences with miscarriage. I’ve asked him to briefly answer a few questions.
Miscarriage is often focused on the woman. How did it affect you when I experienced miscarriages?
Thern: It was very discouraging. The initial excitement of a new child quickly gave way to sadness. As we mourned the loss of a child, we were told some of the scientific possibilities for the miscarriage by Trillia’s well-intended and wonderful physician. I was tempted to focus on what it was in our “biology” that was causing the miscarriages. While I would be focused on our roles in the process, we had kind and loving friends who would remind us that it is God who is truly sovereign over life and that we are just participants.
The first miscarriage was quite difficult (you can read about it here), how did you process it and did you feel any sense of hopelessness? Did you experience peace?
It was a sad experience, but I do not recall a sense of hopelessness. Maybe there was a feeling of helplessness, realizing that whether we went full-term with a child or not was completely out of our control. After prayer and wise counsel from helpful friends, yes, I experienced peace.
As you know, I was fearful to try for more children. Were you? How did you fight for faith?
I was not fearful after the first miscarriage, but after the second, I questioned whether it would be wise to continue to try. Doubt crept into my mind. I began to wonder if God would bless us with children. I fought for faith by praying to God for help and reminding myself that He was in control.
If you were to speak with a husband about how to care for his mourning wife, what might you say to him?
To love and support her. Remind her of truth that she has a kind and loving God who is sovereign over life and death.
What would you say to a wife about how to care for her husband?
Same as my advice to a husband for his wife, but also that she should be aware that he may be tempted to feel that he played a role in the miscarriage. Encourage his faith and let him you know that you love him.
Was there anything you learned from our experience?
The experience did bring new insights to me about the Lord, life and trials. I was reminded that I am helpless and dependent on God, and that he is faithful to answer prayers. We now have two wonderful children that God has graciously blessed us with.
You can read more about life, trials and faith in my recently published book, Fear and Faith: Finding the Peace Your Heart Craves.
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